As most of you know Matt and I have had some infertility problems. After many tests over the past few months, I just had an appointment with our Fertility Doctor (Dr. Valerie Ratts), whom I really liked. Anyway, I am now taking Clomid (a fertility medicine to help me ovulate). When I walked into work this morning I was given this article about other Christians who have infertility problems too. This was obviously providential (that I was given this article) because I was upset last night about not being a Mom yet. This article opened up my eyes to what the Lord desires for me. One part of the article said to be angry at God is a normal thing. And to ask him, Why me? is normal too. But the article also encouraged that rather than searching for answers to why you can not get pregnant, pray to God for help in coping and navigating this the best we can.
A lady in this article was talking about how she and her husband have been struggling for the past 6 years to have a baby and she says, "God does not desire for any couple to be infertile. When we suffer from infertility, God is grieving with us." What an encouragement this was to me this morning. It was eye opening to see that God is not against me in having a baby.
So while I sat at my desk this morning eating my grape-nuts cereal and banana my prayer had changed from, "Dear God please give us a baby" but to "Not my will, but yours be done."